Innate Talent and How to Measure Happiness. Is it Really Worth to Try?

Has anyone seen Whiplash yet? It went out quite awhile ago, but I just happened to be bored last weekend that I decided to borrow the movie from my roommate. To be honest, the plot was very simple, but I couldn't seem to take my eyes off the screen, wondering what will happen to the main character. The movie kept me sitting on the edge of my seat. Perhaps, because I could relate to the first half of the movie. As the story unfolded, I see myself in Andrew, the main character. And I see what will happen to me -- should I continued pushing myself to the extreme.

It was mainly about a young ambitious boy who aimed to get selected into the most prestigious jazz band in New York, which is like first in the world. And when he did, he was constantly terrorized by this killer conductor, who accepts nothing but perfection. And when he said perfection, he really meant it to the exact tempo and tiny seemingly redundant details. Anyway, to cut the story short, Andrew's passion for music has spiraled into some obsession which push him into the brink of his sanity. What kept my eyes glued to the screen is probably the likelihood of him committing suicide. The pressure to do it perfectly was so unbearable. But seriously, in the end his instructor managed to create a prodigy in Andrew. Although he needed to pay heavy price of nearly losing his mind and even crippled himself along the way.

So my reflection of today is this. If let say, somebody is mentored by such a strict and ruthless teacher; who mentally abuse you, who constantly intimidate you and embarrassed you in front of others -- just for the sake of extracting the best out of you, there is only 2 ways of possible result: either

- you thrive and exceed your own expectation, or
- you give up and forget about pursuing it any further

My question is, is there such thing like prodigy? I personally think that those people with so called innate talent is not born with their talent. It has never been given to them before they were born. It's just that their brain cells were genetically different which endowed them to perform beyond the level of rigor of practice, which ordinary people can only  put up with. 

Having said that, I conclude that we can shape anyone with these special brain cells threshold into anything we want. If we want him to be so good at math, just give him a lot of math practice since he started learning how to read. If we want him to be so good at sports, give him a field and a basketball to play with as soon as a child learns how to run. When you were young, you will pretty much accept whatever your parents tell you to do, because they know better. If they want you to take up violin, you have to do it no matter how much you hate it (this is my personal account); because you know what? You will grow to like something you have been doing over and over again. It took me 8 years before I realized that my hatred towards violin had morphed into love. So I suppose if my mom had insisted on taking me to swimming lessons instead, I would have also just learned to enjoy swimming too.

Sometimes I wonder what actually triggered the metamorphosis of my attitude towards violin. I soon found out that it was the nods of approval and eyes of admiration that I care about. The accolades I received, the first applause I get from the first real audience who really think that I am gifted or some sort. I can tell when people really praised me for the sake of making me feel good about myself , (like you know 'Oh good job, Meidy, that was wonderful') and when people really think that it's really good (like you know 'Wow, Meidy, I didn't know you can play violin so well! Damn, I wish I took up violin when I was young!'). It took me 8 years to finally produce something worth listening to, which boost my confidence every time I go on-stage. Something that I can be proud of about myself. Something to make me love violin more because of a simple reason -- it gives me reason to finally love myself.

I used to envy a friend of mine who was really good at drawing when I was in primary school. I wish I could have chopped off my hand and substitute it with hers, thinking that we can easily switch 'talent'. But now I wouldn't want to trade my musically inclined fingers for anything else in this world

Which is why I think I feel this movie is very relatable. Such feeling of pride, it is essential to keep us feel good about ourselves, to feel happy. Happiness keeps us going.

Which brings me to my next point, if happiness is what we are looking for in this world, why are we so willing to go to the extra mile and put such a mental pressure on ourselves to achieve it? Doesn't happiness takes in different forms?

As much as I wanted my life purpose to appear altruistic (making a difference and be the engender of change for my country), I can't help but to arrive at the same line of thought -- it all boils down to make me feel happy about myself. To feel having achieved something for the good for others. The same goes to being a mother, you feel happy when you get to see her first steps, to listen to her first words. And it's still the same if you aspire to be rich. You think money can buy you happiness. It all add up to one and only one -- happiness.

If happiness is so easily available at different forms, why do we go to such extreme extent to torture yourself? If that is the feeling that you want, why try so hard to get the oxytocin flowing within your blood, if you can always have it through simple things in life? Why?

And sometimes we heard ourselves consoling ourselves for not being able to do very well in a particular field, by making excuses. Example: Oh I didn't get to do so remarkably well in exams but at least I have a social life. At least I have enough sleep. Or the much cheesy overused argument that Nobody is perfect. People still feel no matter how badly they have done in something, they will still be happy anyway. Is it just a self-defense mechanism to protect our ego? Or is it really true that people will be happy anyway?

Perhaps this first 2 axis of happiness can explain it. (I came up with this axis myself, please don't quote me yet for this is still a undeveloped argument)

Essentially, we start with a premise that all types of people have the same maximum oxytocin level.

Person Type A: stress herself (e.g. set high expectation for herself, and put pressure on herself, or known as torturing herself. Example: high achiever, olympiad students, athletes, music prodigy)
Person Type B: live her life as it is. (e.g. she doesn't sweat small stuffs, or try hard to in anything that she does. Example: mother, any full-time workers who go wherever her life takes her, students who enjoy school with no particular goal she sets her mind into, etc.)

We see the first graph A dropped while graph B stays in its X-axis. Person A strained herself intentionally, while Person B didn't. Now watch what will happen to the graph when both gain something in life (for example: Person A is admitted to top university of her dream, while Person B finally bears a child)

Both went up, but notice that the change in level is greater in A, but less in B. This is why although they both feel happy, the sense of accomplishment is entirely different -- it is doubled. So fundamentally speaking, the argument that anyone can be happy about themselves is true, because we all will reach the same oxytocin level. But, what makes people choose to become type A instead of type B is because the delta H is greater. And it all makes sense if you recall the saying that 'happiness is a fleeting feeling'. We like the delta H. Because after you reach the maximum oxytocin level, the graph will slowly go down, returning to its equilibrium position at Y=0. 

Delta H is like an ecstasy. Once you try the immense satisfaction you get when you experience Delta H, you will want more. The analogy is like trying a stronger and more addictive drugs. Imagine that all your life, you were only exposed to Cocaine. You like cocaine so much that you think there's no better drug than cocaine. But, one day somebody approached you and gave you Heroin. The feeling you got was out of this world, it brought you into the 7th heaven; but you were only able to tried it once. You could have more, only under two conditions: you have to leave cocaine behind and help your friend by working for him in the black market. Will you do that? Yes! Of course you will. The decision to leave cocaine behind was not even a coerced one. Somehow you feel that cocaine no longer suit your taste, as you have tried something better, the heroin. 

Yes, bigger delta H is like a stronger drug that you cannot live without once you took that first sip.

But I believe that happiness is still yet an abstract matter, which has more than just 2 axis to measure. Perhaps it has a 5-dimensional shape, incomprehensible to all of us who has a mindset of thinking only to 3D. 

If I were to draw happiness of every single person living in this planet, I would draw it into a sphere, with every single human being be one particle in its horizontal diameter. Each particle has to travel different lengths at different axis-es  to complete the whole sphere from that point.

So to wrap up, Happiness is a very complicated matter, but yet we all try to have as big (and as much) as oscillations to get more delta H when we live. The story of Andrew just prove my point right, and I think you might feel the same too about your life after reading this post. 

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Random Thoughts 2.

Today VJC held its own annual higher education fair called EdVantage for its students in the hall. I am pretty much used to visiting higher ed talks, it's really nothing new to me. But much to my surprise, many people were quite overwhelmed. Not knowing where to go, pushed to go along wherever the crowd seems to flow, being entrusted with thick brochures -- I see my friends' faces go blank. Lost faces everywhere.

Thinking about our future career -- it sounds like a daunting task for many. For the past 16 years, our lives are pretty much dictated by The System. Pre-school, Primary School, Secondary School, JC. Subjects are thrown to you to mug, then slowly but surely you cut them down one by one until you are left with four things you like best. But now, you are free to choose! Free to even stop following the conventional System's way. No one judges you for being a dancer. No one cares if you become a comedian. Seriously no one.

But you think people care, so you don't become one. And you choose to be somebody whom you think the System wants you to be.

Today I went to Changi Airport Group talk to find out more about the different departments inside the operating management. All this while I thought everything is under one body, but apparently their jobs are separated to many different departments. There are Creative Department, AirHub, Commercial... and many more. The more slides they showed us, the more eager I am to work in Changi. For once, I  finally know where I want to go and what I want to do. My passion has always been to work with a team to create a memorable experience for others. Through my experience as a Hostel Comm, I found myself enjoying these things -- being busy and creative. It all pays off when you see the smiling faces of those who enjoy your event. I feel very fulfilled, and I instantly know that I want to do this for the rest of my life.

I have never thought that Changi Airport would be a possible avenue for my hidden passion. I have always travelled back and forth Singapore for probably 30 times before realizing that airport is actually a magical place. It is the place where I feel the most excited (for being able to go back to my home country) but yet it is the place where I feel the saddest (when have to leave my friends for months before I get to see them again, or when I need to send my parents off). It was indeed a very special place, but I have always taken it for granted.

And after awhile, I realized that I only feel such intense emotion in Changi Airport, and not in Soekarno-Hatta Airport. CGK has somewhat turned to a transit place for me. A gate which separates the city I am familiar with and the plane. I enter, I wait, and I fly. With nothing to explore, CGK has failed to create that memorable feeling of extreme sadness or joy to leave Indonesia. And then I wonder how would tourists compare their feelings when they leave Indonesia and Singapore. Is it different? I suppose leaving Singapore becomes really hard when you have a pleasant experience in the airport. It is the last place to leave a mark on your mind, creating this unwillingness to leave, and strong desire to someday come back again. I feel Indonesia is lacking in terms of leaving such indelible impression in the hearts of tourists, although I personally believe we have so much more to offer than what Singapore does. And I think the onus is on me to create this wonderful lasting experience in our airport someday.

As I reached my hostel room, I took some time to read the brochures they gave me, particularly those related to Changi scholars. There is this column about what makes scholar... a scholar. As in, they discuss about various traits of a scholar whom organizations are scouting for. And I found myself fit into those traits. By now I forgot what are the 3 traits they mentioned in the magazine, but one of them was something to do with the never ending desire to make a contribution. When my classmates ask me what I want to be in the future, I seem to have clearer directions of where I want to go to and WHY. It is not an easy process, but definitely something which one can develop over time. It takes time, patience, and clear mind to ask the same question over and over again: why. I keep projecting my future-self and ask myself, will I be happy if I do this? When I was much younger I'd like to be a rich boss. And for that, I was planning to work in oil company. But again, why? If I were to become a boss, will I really be happy? What will prevent me from quitting my job? If I were to meet someone very attractive and the prospect of marrying him is looming nearby, will I become a mother instead? Or should I just be a mother right after I graduate? People say giving birth to a child is the most fulfilling role in life, but is it really? When times get hard, and my grades were not so good, I sometimes feel that starting a family is a viable option. No need to study so hard la, just be a good mother can already. But again I'm not convinced. I sit back and think of what I value most in life.

It was a blessing in disguise that I meet someone during my sec 3 year here. Through this person I see the importance of searching for reasons why you truly live for. To start creating that rough sketch of your own life grand plan, which helps you to make any decision in the future. True, you have no say in determining what shape to draw in the paper called life, but I think we, as magical pencils, have the mouth to sway the mind of the Artist. As long as we persist, and keep on envisioning it, the Artist will let us sketch the shape we want, and He will help us to touch up the ugly lines. If my analogy doesn't make sense to you, ignore it. At least I understand myself after writing my thoughts down. As my friend said before, writing it down doesn't mean that you want the whole world to know. It's okay if they don't understand what you are trying to say, but at the very least, you understand yourself better.

Today marks the day when I get to know myself a liiitle bit better. Thank you me, I love you even more after today.

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The Lady.

I cannot remember the last time I felt deeply moved by a simple movie. Perhaps it was last year when I watched the Imitation Game (post can be viewed below). Today I decided to watch The Lady, a film depicting Aung Saan Suu Kyi's life struggle.

It was my history tutor, Ms Fatma who firstly showed us this movie months back when she was teaching the Decolonization of Burma in one of her lecture before June holidays kicked in. She showed us a 3-minute clip of how her father was assassinated by the Junta military group before they managed to attain independence in 1947. I told myself to download the movie after school, but it is only today that I brought myself to really open the file and watch it.

All my life, I found that it is highly unlikely that I will be able to relate myself to a political figure -- especially when you are taught that politics are dirty and complicated. More over, not a single Indonesian President deserves my respect or admiration so far (with the exception of perhaps Sukarno and Jokowi).

All my life I feel disappointed with the key leaders of my country. Corrupted, selfish. What is there to be proud of? Then this movie came about.

I was so inspired by Aung San's determination and endless love towards her country of birth. My favourite quote was:

I might have lived nearly all my life abroad. I might have married a foreigner. But these facts do not lessened my love and my devotion to my country.

It is simply amazing to see how she kept to her words through out her ups-and-down in Myanmar. Her separation from her ailing husband, her beloved children -- whom always have been their pillar of support -- failed to discourage her from continuing her mission. Perhaps it is the people's love for her that makes her stay. To fight on. To not give up. To dedicate her entire life on a cause.

How can one be so selfless? If I was to have such a loving family, I would see myself distracted from what I dream to become of. Only this morning, my physics HOD shared about his career journey; how he left his job in oil company just to be reunited with his children, and becoming a teacher instead. I guess it's all about choosing the right option. But really, option for whose good? My own good? Or for the good of others?

Anyway, I want to be somebody like Daw Suu for Indonesia. Courageous and charismatic woman. Wonderful and likable in her own way. There hasn't been such figure from Indonesia, but I can learn from my neighbouring country. I told myself to visit Myanmar someday later.

Few hours ago I was engaged in a conversation with my roommate about how she fear for not having to marry anyone in the future. Her friend told her not to worry because she is a wonderful and intelligent person, but she is deeply aware that most don't value girls' intelligence that much. In fact, they fear them. Inferiority, isn't that the worst feeling that a guy can have? Pretty looks, isn't that what all guys are eyeing for?

But I suppose in the end, I can still to choose to have the best of both worlds too. Looking at Daw Suu's love story and perhaps Lee Kwan Yew's, it is still possible to share a life with intelligent special someone who share the same values as I do. They say, behind a great man stands a great woman. I believe great man and woman stand next to each other :)

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Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken.

I'm starting to lose the kind of flow of writing I acquired before O Levels, so I might as well start getting used to write more to prevent writer's block in 3 weeks time (MID YEARS IS COMING). Aside from that, I learnt that writing your thoughts can be a good stress relief, ... or boredom relief (in this case).

Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken.

Something that I found really inspiring and captivating from Game of Thrones. Something that I can relate to myself, and something that I aspire to become as I continue living my life.

About 2 months ago, I had a severe quarter-life crisis. Losing my sense of purpose, I became greatly disappointed with myself. Perhaps it's all parts and parcels of adjusting to new stage of life, Junior College. Everything is so fast-paced. Moreover, my fear of rejections put me in a pitfall. Life goes on, people move on, but I am stuck.

I used to be somebody who's driven. Knowing what to do, what the steps are, working my ass off to get what I want. But when you can't envision yourself in the future, that's when my engine stops working.

These days, I invested more time deciding what I want to be in the future. My experience in MUN (Model United Nation) last week, as well as NTU Engineering Day Challenge brought me new and fresh perspectives. It's time to set new goals, new aspiration, and work towards it.

I figured out that I don't want to be a politician, or President for that matter. MUN-ing was not particularly enjoyable to me. I don't see how making and signing resolutions will create a better Indonesia, and I saw a lot of flaw and ineffectiveness of the entire system. So yes, goodbye political science.

In stark contrast, my visit to NTU was truly an unforgettable experience. I had a clearer understanding of many different branches of engineering, and truly delighted to see many possible areas to explore in. I was fascinated.

And so today, I started to set my eyes on possible universities that I would like to go to. Surfing through different websites gave me inspiration, the type of fuel I need these days to be consistent in my studies. Now I know where I am going, and this is a promise that I made to myself: I will get in to MIT.

God works in different ways, and has proven to always granted my desire and wishes if I really need it. I may not be the best from my city, but He blessed me with this A*STAR scholarship. I may not be the best among the other scholars, but He granted me a place in JC of my dream, VJ. And this time, I believed that I will marvel at his work one more time, as He conspires to help me achieving my next goal.

I don't believe in paper chase. For me, getting into MIT is not a matter of prestige to get a high-paying job when I graduate. It's a matter of learning the best from the best, which will be able to equip me in creating a better Indonesia. The journey to secure the grades will be a treacherous climb, but as long as I have faith in myself, and keep on persevering, it has never been an impossible thing.

Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken.

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Socializing

School kicked in just a week ago and I am already emotionally tired.

Never in my life did I feel that socializing is tiring until yesterday. JC started off with orientation week, organized by the school councilors, whereby we -- the freshies -- were grouped into 6 different OG, namely Valkador (mine), Khizora, Aphrode, Primitus, Revozone, and Xenois. The orientation theme for this year was AEON, which means 'timeless' in some foreign language. Those 6 OGs represent 6 different eras of time, who then must compete against each other to defeat the Dark Lord and retrieve the time capsule in order to revive the dying Time Lord. The winning team shall be declared as the savior of Time, restoring our human time back to normal. The entire orientation concept was extraordinarily novel and creative, kudos to the OGLs and SC Orientation Ad Hocs!

Although we had our big time during orientation, the programmed stretched for way too long. For that entire week, I had to scream at the top of my lungs, stomping madly on the hall's floor, jumping to the beat of our cheers and more. Not to mention the effort I put in to know my sub OG members. In VJC, one had to appear amicable at all times, be hyped wherever you are, and speak out. One cannot simply sit down and be a spectator. We needed to show our pride as a Victorian; otherwise, you will be the outcast. The one whom people don't even bother to speak with or maybe even notice.

At first, I thought this school was the right school for me. As a former Sanurian, there is nothing excites me more than cheering for my friends competing on the dance floor, or caroling together during Christmas. But boy, things have gone way too much for my taste. I have never felt this socially tired before I entered VJC.

Everyday, orientation ends very late. And, to top off everything, we usually had sub-OG dinner together, followed by games and late conversations with friends in my OG. Then, when we get to be posted to our classes, I need to re-introduce myself to different groups of people. More class lunch and dinner after orientation ends. I can be very social, but I desperately need a time for myself after being extremely social. Especially when I got very exhausted at certain days. I would just shut myself down and stop being so bubbly. I had my moods.

Thus I decided to spend my whole Sunday with myself. I was supposed to meet my batchmates from CJCH, but then as much as I wanted to join them, I really locked myself in the study room and read up lecture notes. Initially I had no intention for mugging, however actually learning new things can be a way to spend a quality time with yourself. 

Class officially starts tomorrow. All the best for me. Here's to surviving term 1-2.

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The Imitation Game

Dear blog. I just finished an amazing (to say it amazing itself is an understatement) movie, The Imitation Game. I would say that it is not the movie which inspires me to write this post, but rather Allan Turing's very own life story, in and of itself, which stirs me most.

A quick recap of the movie (SPOILERS ALERT), Allan Turing was a genius mathematician who spent the last years of his life decoding Germany's Enigma, a machine used to send cryptic messages during the World War II. Together with his 5 fellow equally exceptional code breakers (the best in England) they dedicated 2 years of their lives to create this machine named Christopher, since Turing believed that not even the most genius mind of England could break Enigma within 18 hours. Yes, the German coding system will alter itself every 00.00, thus they must all decipher the code before midnight; daily. And if they fail to do so, they had to start all over again every time the clock strikes 00.00

What really bothers me about Turing is that he was an outcast. He was never liked by anyone in his school except Christopher, his childhood friend. One heartening quote which leaves me thinking after the movie ends is, Sometimes it is the people who no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine.

And then I sort of went into a trance and wondering if I will ever get to live such an abnormal life like his. All I want is to contribute to the humanity, doing something significant in my life; not for me, but for the world. It would be a great privilege not to just existing and living on this Earth, but to actually do something, make something, or save the world from disaster, or just to make people's lives better.

One reason why I choose my future career path is that I can actually make something out of it after I have graduated. I want to be the agent of change, the driver of change. I want to invent things which other people have not had yet in mind. I want to do something revolutionary, just like what Mr. Turing did. This is partly why I always keep my musicality as a hobby and not a good career prospect. It's not about the earnings (initially it was about the earnings) but as I grow up I truly understand that my life needs to mean something more than just piling up some cash. To change the world for the better, you can't only be an artist. You need science.

And the journey as a scientist or any jobs related to science is not a bed of roses. While it might seems like one (talk about the high payroll and social status), you will discover the thorns. Firstly, I am not a gifted student. I like Physics, but I am not the type of student who can do the test with my eyes closed. For me, science is all-intriguing and I love to learn more about them (I seriously do!); however it has never been my strongest subject. As a matter of fact, I don't have any particular strong subject. I'm just a mediocre hard-working student who is gasping in this gargantuan ocean filled with big fishes (meaning Einsteins). Realizing this causes me to shrink even more; sending me to this devastating vortex of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of achieving nothing. Fear of merely being another ordinary.

Just right after I finished my movie, my friend texted me to ask for a help in an volunteer work he is taking part in. And I'm like: ....I have done nothing. What have I been doing with my life. Am I wasting my time? Am I wasting my opportunities?

There is so much liberty in a holiday, that I can do almost anything I want; ranging from practising my violin to reading books. What terrifies me is that lately, is that I started to perceive my hobbies as something... unproductive. Absolutely awful. Isn't the whole idea of holiday is to sort of wind down? To relax your mind and basically do whatever you feel like doing?

Am I overthinking? Do I need to even worry that much about my life? Do other people think the same way? Why all my Indon friends seem to be comparatively clueless about it? Am I making too much of a big deal out of a simple life? Am I meant to just lead an ordinary life? Finishing school, graduating from university, getting a job, marrying a significant other, having kids, waiting them to grow up, and die? Is that all?

Does life has something in store for me? Am I meant to do great things? If yes, what should I be doing now? Or...should I just let it flow?

I don't know, seriously. I just don't know.

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2014.

January is approaching to its end (omg I honestly feel that new year was only like a week ago), but I haven't properly list all the things that happened in 2014. There were thousands of things to be grateful about, but I guess it can be cut down to just a dozen or so.

1. For getting into VJC. The whole DSA preparation took me about a year, starting off as early as 2013. Determined to get in, I studied my piece like it was a bible, practising the same bars for hours, with depressed sighs which can be heard even by the passers-by (like Uncle Bernie hahaha). Frustration forced me to throw tantrum at times, falling into this whole vortex of depression, since I couldn't seem to be able to reach my violin mentor's standard. It took me lots of painful comments and dissatisfied rantings from her to compel me practising hard. I have rewind Janine Jansen's performance video hundreds of time to mimic her musical passion and technique (esp bowing. She's extremely generous in her bowings). You can almost see my entire score being wrecked by my illegible scribblings in different coloured pens for the first 4 pages. My new iPhone 5s was exploited for a good reason, to record my own performance, again and again and again, tirelessly. When I reached the point where I couldn't even listen to the song without getting sick, I persevere for a few more days. And I succeed. It was tiring, and stressful (since I had to juggle with all the crazy school work too), but all worth it. I'm a Victorian!

2. For meeting my new best bud, Lize. I really have no idea how we end up being so close now, but after awhile I grow comfortable around him, and even have a habit to read newspaper together every weekend mornings. I think it mostly because we shared our problems together and helped each others' back when we can. Certainly sbd that I will miss dearly in VJ this year.

3. For that certain somebody whom even though what we had between us will never be the same again, I will always cherish our heartfelt moments together. The dreams and fears I've shared with, the inside jokes and wonderful moments (and the bad ones); It is a blessing to have our paths crossed at some point.

4. For my whole IJ experience. Getting to know more about my best buds at school, Sharan, Penny, and Shruthi. Penny for keeping me motivated as always, for making me laughed inappropriately to your inexhaustible ambition. Sharan and Shruthi, who made lessons less boring with our inside racist jokes (sorry for making fun of our diversity :P), thank you for 'surviving' with me in Literature lessons.

5. For my brother. We grew even closer as the year came to a close. With so many things going on within our family, I guess he's the only reason which keeps me anchored to the ground of sanity. When life gets rough, he will be the one who understands all the time. Never judging and less sentimental than me. Perfect.

6. For my roommate, Monik. After a year settling down in Singapore, I've come to conclude that I am very lucky to have her as a roommate. I think we compromise together and that's how I end up really liking her. We share stuffs like food, clothes (perks of having same size body), and other things. There were times when we really got frustrated with Literature that we decided to revise together with our senior. Or there were times when we become the only living people existing in the girls' corridor because everyone just go down to mug and modus HAHAHA. We fought bees together, we fought hard, and we won! Using broomsticks and dictionary we killed a dozen and swept them off the window. Another sbd whom I miss when I enter my JC life because she's going to another school :(

7. For my entire cool batch mate whom I can't personally write down. Thank you for being extremely awesome, we've bonded through numerous random group outings and food. For all the laughter in that Sentosa beach, the outing in Ubin Island (HOSCOMMS!), for the daily conversations we had in the dining hall or slopes or anywhere around the hostel.

8. For my mom, whom I am thankful for years since I was born. For being there when I feel down, for surviving in Indonesia when I'm not around, for the endless love you've given me everyday, for coping with my monthly bad mood, and for being there when I feel joyful. My last month in 2014 was well-spent, thanks to you Mom.

9. For Uncle Bernie, who was by far the most non-Singaporean-like Singaporean. Your extraordinary way of thinking and wonderful smile are what I look forward most in the weekends. Definitely, one of the few who left a mark in my Singapore journey. Thankyou for believing in me when my mentor seems to lose all her hope hahaha.

10. For the wonderful Maam Tee. She reminds me a lot to my elder brother and my Indo teacher back then. Full of spirit, dedicated, and inspiring. One of the few who genuinely care about our well-being and personal life as a foreign student. She never let any MOE shit chained her from teaching us invaluable out-of-syllabus lessons. Thank you for believing in me when almost IJ teachers believe that I'm incapable of improving in language.

11. For the O Level experience. It was tough. I felt like giving up half through (we all did), but we did it! The whole 3 months (more or less) experience had pressed me to go beyond what I'm capable of, to leave me reflecting about several things, and let myself practice my self-constraint.

I guess that is pretty much everything. Listing them all down has a therapeutic effect on my fingers and mind. Hmm, I should do this more regularly (like once in a year) to fully appreciate what life had in store for me.

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