Random Thoughts 2.

Today VJC held its own annual higher education fair called EdVantage for its students in the hall. I am pretty much used to visiting higher ed talks, it's really nothing new to me. But much to my surprise, many people were quite overwhelmed. Not knowing where to go, pushed to go along wherever the crowd seems to flow, being entrusted with thick brochures -- I see my friends' faces go blank. Lost faces everywhere.

Thinking about our future career -- it sounds like a daunting task for many. For the past 16 years, our lives are pretty much dictated by The System. Pre-school, Primary School, Secondary School, JC. Subjects are thrown to you to mug, then slowly but surely you cut them down one by one until you are left with four things you like best. But now, you are free to choose! Free to even stop following the conventional System's way. No one judges you for being a dancer. No one cares if you become a comedian. Seriously no one.

But you think people care, so you don't become one. And you choose to be somebody whom you think the System wants you to be.

Today I went to Changi Airport Group talk to find out more about the different departments inside the operating management. All this while I thought everything is under one body, but apparently their jobs are separated to many different departments. There are Creative Department, AirHub, Commercial... and many more. The more slides they showed us, the more eager I am to work in Changi. For once, I  finally know where I want to go and what I want to do. My passion has always been to work with a team to create a memorable experience for others. Through my experience as a Hostel Comm, I found myself enjoying these things -- being busy and creative. It all pays off when you see the smiling faces of those who enjoy your event. I feel very fulfilled, and I instantly know that I want to do this for the rest of my life.

I have never thought that Changi Airport would be a possible avenue for my hidden passion. I have always travelled back and forth Singapore for probably 30 times before realizing that airport is actually a magical place. It is the place where I feel the most excited (for being able to go back to my home country) but yet it is the place where I feel the saddest (when have to leave my friends for months before I get to see them again, or when I need to send my parents off). It was indeed a very special place, but I have always taken it for granted.

And after awhile, I realized that I only feel such intense emotion in Changi Airport, and not in Soekarno-Hatta Airport. CGK has somewhat turned to a transit place for me. A gate which separates the city I am familiar with and the plane. I enter, I wait, and I fly. With nothing to explore, CGK has failed to create that memorable feeling of extreme sadness or joy to leave Indonesia. And then I wonder how would tourists compare their feelings when they leave Indonesia and Singapore. Is it different? I suppose leaving Singapore becomes really hard when you have a pleasant experience in the airport. It is the last place to leave a mark on your mind, creating this unwillingness to leave, and strong desire to someday come back again. I feel Indonesia is lacking in terms of leaving such indelible impression in the hearts of tourists, although I personally believe we have so much more to offer than what Singapore does. And I think the onus is on me to create this wonderful lasting experience in our airport someday.

As I reached my hostel room, I took some time to read the brochures they gave me, particularly those related to Changi scholars. There is this column about what makes scholar... a scholar. As in, they discuss about various traits of a scholar whom organizations are scouting for. And I found myself fit into those traits. By now I forgot what are the 3 traits they mentioned in the magazine, but one of them was something to do with the never ending desire to make a contribution. When my classmates ask me what I want to be in the future, I seem to have clearer directions of where I want to go to and WHY. It is not an easy process, but definitely something which one can develop over time. It takes time, patience, and clear mind to ask the same question over and over again: why. I keep projecting my future-self and ask myself, will I be happy if I do this? When I was much younger I'd like to be a rich boss. And for that, I was planning to work in oil company. But again, why? If I were to become a boss, will I really be happy? What will prevent me from quitting my job? If I were to meet someone very attractive and the prospect of marrying him is looming nearby, will I become a mother instead? Or should I just be a mother right after I graduate? People say giving birth to a child is the most fulfilling role in life, but is it really? When times get hard, and my grades were not so good, I sometimes feel that starting a family is a viable option. No need to study so hard la, just be a good mother can already. But again I'm not convinced. I sit back and think of what I value most in life.

It was a blessing in disguise that I meet someone during my sec 3 year here. Through this person I see the importance of searching for reasons why you truly live for. To start creating that rough sketch of your own life grand plan, which helps you to make any decision in the future. True, you have no say in determining what shape to draw in the paper called life, but I think we, as magical pencils, have the mouth to sway the mind of the Artist. As long as we persist, and keep on envisioning it, the Artist will let us sketch the shape we want, and He will help us to touch up the ugly lines. If my analogy doesn't make sense to you, ignore it. At least I understand myself after writing my thoughts down. As my friend said before, writing it down doesn't mean that you want the whole world to know. It's okay if they don't understand what you are trying to say, but at the very least, you understand yourself better.

Today marks the day when I get to know myself a liiitle bit better. Thank you me, I love you even more after today.

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The Lady.

I cannot remember the last time I felt deeply moved by a simple movie. Perhaps it was last year when I watched the Imitation Game (post can be viewed below). Today I decided to watch The Lady, a film depicting Aung Saan Suu Kyi's life struggle.

It was my history tutor, Ms Fatma who firstly showed us this movie months back when she was teaching the Decolonization of Burma in one of her lecture before June holidays kicked in. She showed us a 3-minute clip of how her father was assassinated by the Junta military group before they managed to attain independence in 1947. I told myself to download the movie after school, but it is only today that I brought myself to really open the file and watch it.

All my life, I found that it is highly unlikely that I will be able to relate myself to a political figure -- especially when you are taught that politics are dirty and complicated. More over, not a single Indonesian President deserves my respect or admiration so far (with the exception of perhaps Sukarno and Jokowi).

All my life I feel disappointed with the key leaders of my country. Corrupted, selfish. What is there to be proud of? Then this movie came about.

I was so inspired by Aung San's determination and endless love towards her country of birth. My favourite quote was:

I might have lived nearly all my life abroad. I might have married a foreigner. But these facts do not lessened my love and my devotion to my country.

It is simply amazing to see how she kept to her words through out her ups-and-down in Myanmar. Her separation from her ailing husband, her beloved children -- whom always have been their pillar of support -- failed to discourage her from continuing her mission. Perhaps it is the people's love for her that makes her stay. To fight on. To not give up. To dedicate her entire life on a cause.

How can one be so selfless? If I was to have such a loving family, I would see myself distracted from what I dream to become of. Only this morning, my physics HOD shared about his career journey; how he left his job in oil company just to be reunited with his children, and becoming a teacher instead. I guess it's all about choosing the right option. But really, option for whose good? My own good? Or for the good of others?

Anyway, I want to be somebody like Daw Suu for Indonesia. Courageous and charismatic woman. Wonderful and likable in her own way. There hasn't been such figure from Indonesia, but I can learn from my neighbouring country. I told myself to visit Myanmar someday later.

Few hours ago I was engaged in a conversation with my roommate about how she fear for not having to marry anyone in the future. Her friend told her not to worry because she is a wonderful and intelligent person, but she is deeply aware that most don't value girls' intelligence that much. In fact, they fear them. Inferiority, isn't that the worst feeling that a guy can have? Pretty looks, isn't that what all guys are eyeing for?

But I suppose in the end, I can still to choose to have the best of both worlds too. Looking at Daw Suu's love story and perhaps Lee Kwan Yew's, it is still possible to share a life with intelligent special someone who share the same values as I do. They say, behind a great man stands a great woman. I believe great man and woman stand next to each other :)

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