superiority complex.

i swear i feel very very weird today. as if im not being my usual self. i think it has something to do with my friend telling me that i have superiority complex. it sorts of gets into my mood and behaviour, making myself conscious of everything that i have done in the past. and as i reflect more and more about my life, i withdrew myself from the crowd, isolating myself -- again.

a few days ago i took the meyers brigg- carl jung personality test in 16personalities.com, and it showed me that i have an INTJ personality. it's written that the world's population only have 0.8% women with this personality -- which makes it difficult for people like me to really connect or mingle with people. the test reinforced my preconceived notion that i am just weird and think more differently from others. it's normal for people to not understand me, mistook my intention, and find that sometimes i am too 'cool' or 'unapproachable'.

this should be something that i really need to fix, but instead due to my (so called) superiority complex, i actually see them as my strengths and even prefer to keep them instead. i do not like to please people, so i just went on my own way, doing the things that i think is correct, etc. if i am not comfortable with people, i would just shut down and not talk. i don't care if people think im anti-social, awkward, cynical. Maybe I am, but i just don't give a shit. or perhaps i do?

Superiority complex calls for an aloof attitude towards one's own weaknesses because one just wants to conceal them. it's a psychological disorder where the person is in conflict with his or her own weaknesses and try to dismiss it outwardly, but in truth, deeply insecure inside. i swear i think i might have one.

my roommates have agreed that i am the most socially secure human being in the room. my classmate think i have a strong personality. my cca friends think i am confident. perhaps it is just a facade.

i really have no idea how to differentiate a person who suffers superiority complex and someone who is just... confident. i partly blame my emotional development to my dad and my arch enemy from secondary school. both of them made me so insecure about my life, until i am so tired and disgusted with myself, hence i have been consciously trying to reinvent myself after the 2 incidents. yes, i think i'll blame them for all these.

right now i just want to stay away from people. i didn't feel like talking to even my closest of closest friends anymore. I THINK THIS IS PMS. yes this should be pms oh god why every month i have to be emotional for different reasons. can i just be emotionally stable and stop having mood swings.















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