Hi, Bloggie. It’s been awhile since I posted anything
substantial. A year to be exact. I’m utterly disturbed by how time flies past
really quickly. Today is my first day with zero worries. Well, not exactly
zero, you can say 0.1 worries since we have 3 more MCQ Papers left, but that’s
all. Really, nothing much.
The last few months were extremely grueling for any typical
students taking O Levels. I’ve been pushing myself since my preparation for
prelim 2, until yesterday. To put things into perspective, I’ve spent most of
my time mugging, locking myself in my room (coz there were too many
distractions downstairs), poring over an absurd amount of information, to
ensure complete and thorough understanding in every subject (excluding Malay. I
don’t give a shit about it until D-1). Fun fact: I brewed a cup of coffee daily
for the last 2 weeks just to keep myself alert during the day, something that
I’m not used to back in Indo. I barely drink one in a year.
Anyway, things are slowing down now. On the side note, I’ve
been accepted to VJC through violin DSA on August (THANKS MRS. MASAKO), so I
was supposed to not give a shit about my Os. I could have just yolo-ed every
day, gone out, read my novels, watched movies, attended concerts, done the
craziest things that any O Level candidate can possibly imagine.
But I didn’t.
Initially people gave me these weird looks as if I wasn’t
thinking straight. I felt conflicted for weeks, wavering from putting my 100%
or 70% for Os. On one hand I was tempted to do things that actually worth my
time (like studying new language) than simply studying for Os. On the other
hand, I didn’t want my 2 years of hard work goes to waste. So I chose the
second option.
Anyway, it feels good that now I can really chill and do
whatever I’ve always wanted to do: finishing my novels, watching movies, going
out with friends, etc.
Oh, life has taken such an unprecedented turn earlier this
year. I’ve failed to predict that the sec 4s (us) will just be bros and sis’s
to each other. Couples emerge, here there everywhere (even across batches and
nationalities). Some people grew apart, spending most of their time with their
own partner than their batch mates; (much to my disappointment).
This year I learned some invaluable lessons about life from
the people I met and the friendships I’ve forged along the way.
First, there are 2 circles of people around me: those who
are just fun to be with, and those whom you can really talk to you about almost
anything in your life. The majority of the people I met falls within the first
circle. They are fun to hang out with, do crazy stuffs, and make you laugh when
things are awry. They care about you; but they don’t really reveal their
personal desires, ambitions, and worries with you. I perceive them to be rather
boring. Sometimes, I even felt rather compelled to probe them with questions
about school stuffs or life back in their respective home countries in general.
We talk about movies, books, cute boys; but I guess the list ends there.
The second group of people is what really intrigued me most.
They are really one-of-a-kind. Every individual is unique in their own way
although they are still under the same umbrella. To me, friendship is all about
opening oneself to another. One might only divulge certain truths, I really
don’t mind that. But they share with you some of what they really think about
life. About perceiving other people and how the world works. These people make
me reflect and think. I wonder and ponder the abstractness of life purpose and
human feelings. I wonder and ponder if I have deceived myself for so many
things in life, just to make myself feel better. Much to my disappointment, I
only met a few of such people, and if I do, things can go haywire and I may
lose the person I actually really care about.
Secondly, the world is a cruel place to live in. Things are
not always like what one wants to be, and even though I know this long time
ago, sometimes I just need to reinforce it again and again to myself. One can
wish, pray, meditate in a bid to get what you desire, but there is some other divine
power, existing beyond my control that always has the upper hand and ‘direct my
sail’ (as Romeo puts it). No matter how much effort you have put in to stay on
your preferred road, somehow He will take you to that dark less traveled road
which you chose least. Believe me, when the Power leads you to a different
dimension in your life, all you need to do is to put faith in the things you
have in hand and push on. Eventually, the eerie darkness will past, and you
shall see the light at the end of it.
Thirdly, not everyone has a smooth-sailing life. Every
single soul in this planet has their own problem You may not see it, but the
people who smile the brightest actually have the worst problems one can ever
imagine.
This post has become way too emo than intended. I’m too lazy
to write any further, so I’ll just end it here. Anyway, cheers to the end of
Os.
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