It was mainly about a young ambitious boy who aimed to get selected into the most prestigious jazz band in New York, which is like first in the world. And when he did, he was constantly terrorized by this killer conductor, who accepts nothing but perfection. And when he said perfection, he really meant it to the exact tempo and tiny seemingly redundant details. Anyway, to cut the story short, Andrew's passion for music has spiraled into some obsession which push him into the brink of his sanity. What kept my eyes glued to the screen is probably the likelihood of him committing suicide. The pressure to do it perfectly was so unbearable. But seriously, in the end his instructor managed to create a prodigy in Andrew. Although he needed to pay heavy price of nearly losing his mind and even crippled himself along the way.
So my reflection of today is this. If let say, somebody is mentored by such a strict and ruthless teacher; who mentally abuse you, who constantly intimidate you and embarrassed you in front of others -- just for the sake of extracting the best out of you, there is only 2 ways of possible result: either
- you thrive and exceed your own expectation, or
- you give up and forget about pursuing it any further
My question is, is there such thing like prodigy? I personally think that those people with so called innate talent is not born with their talent. It has never been given to them before they were born. It's just that their brain cells were genetically different which endowed them to perform beyond the level of rigor of practice, which ordinary people can only put up with.
Having said that, I conclude that we can shape anyone with these special brain cells threshold into anything we want. If we want him to be so good at math, just give him a lot of math practice since he started learning how to read. If we want him to be so good at sports, give him a field and a basketball to play with as soon as a child learns how to run. When you were young, you will pretty much accept whatever your parents tell you to do, because they know better. If they want you to take up violin, you have to do it no matter how much you hate it (this is my personal account); because you know what? You will grow to like something you have been doing over and over again. It took me 8 years before I realized that my hatred towards violin had morphed into love. So I suppose if my mom had insisted on taking me to swimming lessons instead, I would have also just learned to enjoy swimming too.
Sometimes I wonder what actually triggered the metamorphosis of my attitude towards violin. I soon found out that it was the nods of approval and eyes of admiration that I care about. The accolades I received, the first applause I get from the first real audience who really think that I am gifted or some sort. I can tell when people really praised me for the sake of making me feel good about myself , (like you know 'Oh good job, Meidy, that was wonderful') and when people really think that it's really good (like you know 'Wow, Meidy, I didn't know you can play violin so well! Damn, I wish I took up violin when I was young!'). It took me 8 years to finally produce something worth listening to, which boost my confidence every time I go on-stage. Something that I can be proud of about myself. Something to make me love violin more because of a simple reason -- it gives me reason to finally love myself.
I used to envy a friend of mine who was really good at drawing when I was in primary school. I wish I could have chopped off my hand and substitute it with hers, thinking that we can easily switch 'talent'. But now I wouldn't want to trade my musically inclined fingers for anything else in this world
Which is why I think I feel this movie is very relatable. Such feeling of pride, it is essential to keep us feel good about ourselves, to feel happy. Happiness keeps us going.
Which brings me to my next point, if happiness is what we are looking for in this world, why are we so willing to go to the extra mile and put such a mental pressure on ourselves to achieve it? Doesn't happiness takes in different forms?
As much as I wanted my life purpose to appear altruistic (making a difference and be the engender of change for my country), I can't help but to arrive at the same line of thought -- it all boils down to make me feel happy about myself. To feel having achieved something for the good for others. The same goes to being a mother, you feel happy when you get to see her first steps, to listen to her first words. And it's still the same if you aspire to be rich. You think money can buy you happiness. It all add up to one and only one -- happiness.
If happiness is so easily available at different forms, why do we go to such extreme extent to torture yourself? If that is the feeling that you want, why try so hard to get the oxytocin flowing within your blood, if you can always have it through simple things in life? Why?
And sometimes we heard ourselves consoling ourselves for not being able to do very well in a particular field, by making excuses. Example: Oh I didn't get to do so remarkably well in exams but at least I have a social life. At least I have enough sleep. Or the much cheesy overused argument that Nobody is perfect. People still feel no matter how badly they have done in something, they will still be happy anyway. Is it just a self-defense mechanism to protect our ego? Or is it really true that people will be happy anyway?
Perhaps this first 2 axis of happiness can explain it. (I came up with this axis myself, please don't quote me yet for this is still a undeveloped argument)
Person Type A: stress herself (e.g. set high expectation for herself, and put pressure on herself, or known as torturing herself. Example: high achiever, olympiad students, athletes, music prodigy)
Person Type B: live her life as it is. (e.g. she doesn't sweat small stuffs, or try hard to in anything that she does. Example: mother, any full-time workers who go wherever her life takes her, students who enjoy school with no particular goal she sets her mind into, etc.)
We see the first graph A dropped while graph B stays in its X-axis. Person A strained herself intentionally, while Person B didn't. Now watch what will happen to the graph when both gain something in life (for example: Person A is admitted to top university of her dream, while Person B finally bears a child)
Both went up, but notice that the change in level is greater in A, but less in B. This is why although they both feel happy, the sense of accomplishment is entirely different -- it is doubled. So fundamentally speaking, the argument that anyone can be happy about themselves is true, because we all will reach the same oxytocin level. But, what makes people choose to become type A instead of type B is because the delta H is greater. And it all makes sense if you recall the saying that 'happiness is a fleeting feeling'. We like the delta H. Because after you reach the maximum oxytocin level, the graph will slowly go down, returning to its equilibrium position at Y=0.
Delta H is like an ecstasy. Once you try the immense satisfaction you get when you experience Delta H, you will want more. The analogy is like trying a stronger and more addictive drugs. Imagine that all your life, you were only exposed to Cocaine. You like cocaine so much that you think there's no better drug than cocaine. But, one day somebody approached you and gave you Heroin. The feeling you got was out of this world, it brought you into the 7th heaven; but you were only able to tried it once. You could have more, only under two conditions: you have to leave cocaine behind and help your friend by working for him in the black market. Will you do that? Yes! Of course you will. The decision to leave cocaine behind was not even a coerced one. Somehow you feel that cocaine no longer suit your taste, as you have tried something better, the heroin.
Yes, bigger delta H is like a stronger drug that you cannot live without once you took that first sip.
But I believe that happiness is still yet an abstract matter, which has more than just 2 axis to measure. Perhaps it has a 5-dimensional shape, incomprehensible to all of us who has a mindset of thinking only to 3D.
If I were to draw happiness of every single person living in this planet, I would draw it into a sphere, with every single human being be one particle in its horizontal diameter. Each particle has to travel different lengths at different axis-es to complete the whole sphere from that point.
So to wrap up, Happiness is a very complicated matter, but yet we all try to have as big (and as much) as oscillations to get more delta H when we live. The story of Andrew just prove my point right, and I think you might feel the same too about your life after reading this post.
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