Inside Out.

There is something wonderful about watching the movie for the second time: I can pay more attention to the message it's trying to convey rather than being emotional over the plot. So here are some of my two-cents worth about the movie:

1. That it is okay to be sad.
Sadness is a wonderful emotion. Crying is perfectly all right. People tend to avoid sadness for some reasons, but personally I sometimes prefer sadness in my emotionless days. Okay, you might think I'm weird, but I strangely find that crying makes me feel good. Sometimes, I prefer watching drama shows than action movies because I can cry over it. Sadness acknowledge my struggles, my shortcomings, my unfulfilled dreams.

2. Perhaps the best way to comfort sad friends is to acknowledge their struggle.
More often than not, I always try to see the more positive side of my friend's problem; hoping that by putting more emphasis on these aspects, I get to cheer them up and stop them from feeling sad. But this movie just taught me, that recognizing one's pain is also an alternative (perhaps even better) way, to provide emotional support for our friends. A friend of mine once said, "The worst thing you can do when I open up is to dismiss my emotions as invalid". Now I began to understand what she meant. Allowing someone to feel sad does not translate to intensifying their emotion. To the contrary, it helps them to feel better much faster because they know that we will be there in every step of their way to recover.

3. Each of us are governed by one dominating emotion.
Joy dominates Riley's control panel, Sadness dominates Mom's, and Anger dominates Dad's. Although all 5 emotions have a play to role in one's life; there will always be one emotion that mostly predominates of our emotion panel. I think mine would be sadness because I have the tendency to reflect and being sentimental to almost everything.

4. Music is very powerful.
One thing that went unnoticed in my first movie experience is that Inside Out has a very compelling soundtrack. I was almost in tears when I heard the soundtrack in the first 10 seconds of the movie, because a surge of mixed emotions flooded in. I cannot decipher what emotions they are, but it gives me this feeling good kind of experience. There is something about how the notes were lined up next to each other. There is a perfect combination of intervals that touches my heart and affects me emotionally.

Thank you Disney for always teaching me new lessons in every movie. I know I will never be too old to watch any.

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Good friend.

As the year comes to its close, another chapter of my life ends. Just like characters in books, some friends stay for the next one, but some won't. There are so many people passing by my life, but this one I am not letting go.

A week ago, on Saturday night, Lize and I met up after 6 (?) months not seeing each other. The thing about close friend is that you can talk almost about anything deep although you haven't met each other for a very long time. Most of the time, catching up session with old friend is an attempt to condense 6 months of your life into 90 minute session, but I'm glad it didn't go that way.

The highlight of that evening was actually when he took me for a mass service in OLOL Church in Bugis. A free thinker himself, he had never wanted to go to the church when I asked him to last year. Surprise, surprise -- a year later, everything has pretty much changed. I'm a skeptical Christian, and he started to believe in the divine power.

He prayed. He sang. He went through all the (boring) rituals with admirable focus and respect.

I was struck. He demonstrated a new-found reverence to my religion. His curiosity and attentiveness were in contrast with my ignorance and arrogance. I looked into myself and could not help but felt ashamed. Ashamed of how far I have attempted to drift away from Him. I am a pretentious sheep trying to travel the hill on my own. I realized how I often thought that I am much smarter than Him, thinking that everything can be explained or done with science or philosophy. But there are more in religion than just myths.

For the first time this year, I felt a surge from within to see Christianity with a new pair of eyes. The eyes of the innocence like Lize's. To listen with pure ears and uncorrupt mind. To receive His blessings with renewed sense of gratitude.

For once, an invisible block was lifted from my eyes. I recognized a dire need to change who I am now; the skeptical Meidy. So, I went to the same church this weekend, filled with much anticipation and longing to participate actively in the mass service. After mass, I really felt a renewed joy and cleaned spirit to start my new week. This is what spirituality is supposed to look like.

An ex-friend of mine once said, a good friend is not somebody who is during your happy times. A good friend is one who help you grow, although it may necessitate you to go through painful realization. Although I cannot see it in what my ex-friend did, but I definitely can see it through Lize.

And like any other wonderful and best memories I had, we didn't take any pictures that night. It went undocumented, and unpublished in Instagram. But it certainly left a great impact in me for the next few years to come.





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2015.

As promised last year, I would again write down some of the most cherished parts of this year to bring 2015 to its close. 2015 has been nothing short of amazing, and I would like to thank these people for that.

1. My most beloved class, 15S42. The class which debunks my perception that I would never ever going to be close friends with Singaporeans. I love you all with my heart and soul. You guys are the reason I wake up every morning feeling energized and filled with anticipation for lessons.

To my tutorial group: Justin Law, Yong En, Hussein, Sze Min. Thanks for tolerating my cleanliness and love for Christopher (my white bag). Thanks for always saving a seat for him and be such a fun tutorial group. We can be serious at times but still very much attentive to Mrs Ting's lessons (not Mrs. Chan's because it will be independent learning anyway lol. Or more like Justin teaching HAHAHA). Hussein's 'investigations' and me being forever pervert lol. Please maintain our chemistry for J2 guys.

To my closer friends in the class: Auggy, Zigi, Nikhil, Michelle, Yong En, Praveen. You guys are the battery of the class. I enjoy playing cards with yall, talking shits during our reccess. Texting with yall can be sometimes very random and filled with bullshits, but you kept me smiling on the days when we don't meet. Thank you.

To Rachael, my pillar of support in bad times (which are mostly PW HAHAHA). Man, I don't know how to survive PW without you, seriously. The guys are just sometimes frustrating, and I really have to thank you for believing in every decision and action I take for our project. There are times I doubt myself, for being too domineering, overly controlling, blunt etc. But I know I will always have you, Being the only person who understand our fucked up group dynamic, we can comfort one another when any of us got pissed off. Thanks for always sharing your precious food with me when I am hungry (or just craving sth to chew). You know very well that hostel food sucks, your bread is always amazing. I'm forever indebted to you coz you were the first local classmate to approach me earlier this year. You brought me closer to class, although ironically, you were the one who didn't end up being close with the class. I am grateful for having a positive soul like you in class.

Thanks 15S42 for being so supportive through concerts, for being crazy during Halloween Horror Night + Chalet, through the exams and all. Highschool is indeed the best part of your life.

2. To Jing Jing and Tianke. I lose count of the numbers we go out together, I think the most memorable one would still be the trip we go to Paya Lebar Night Market and did a food adventure. Yall are the bunch I am closest to in the class, and I sometimes miss you guys when I haven't talked to one of you for days. Tianke is probably the only person who won't roll her eyes everytime I talk about interesting general knowledge. We both always have had things for random books or scientific facts, and I'm glad I can 'talk intelligently' with somebody in the class. Moreover, we share similar American Dream :) Jing Jing is a wonderful bunch of joy. Sharing the pain of living in a hostel, I have spent quite a lot of quality time with her through random dinner, study times, WTA Finals, and joggings!!!! Jogging is less boring with you, with all the talks about guys and what not. We are both despo girls who just want hot handsome intelligent gentlemen to date us HAHAHAHA. I guess we need to wait until 20 LOL we keep on pushing the deadline back for the 999th time. She has a lot of interesting insights and thoughts which are always always encouraging. Whenever I feel shit, or I feel down because of classmates or even friends outside VJ, she will always come to the rescue. We have had countless deep conversations together, and I'm really grateful we are in the same class. My favourite hang out with you is probably IKEA dinner that Friday night. I like impromptu dates, and you reminded me a lot of Lize :)

3. My equally beloved Strings Ensem. We are so small but I feel super super belong in this small group. Music is best shared, playing music alone can sometimes be very lonely. It's the language I speak best with, and yall are the only people who understand me. Special shout out to the SLs and boss HAHAHA, we work pretty well with each other ever since the Por Una Cabeza performance. Sorry if I demand a lot from everyone, but it's because I love you guys so much that I want us to be better. Doing those extra practices is how I translate my love to the CCA, and I really had a good time with you. Strings room is my favourite space in VJ, (if I get to be there alone) lol. Wonderful people with wonderful vibes. Some of the shitiest school days turned not to be so bad after I had our practice session.

4. Haili. We do so many things together from CCAs down to JC Exco and school subjects. We also have the same taste for music, which matters a lot to me. Thanks for walking back to hostel every Wednesday lol (save up money and exercise!), and sharing your stories with me. A lot of my friends ship us together but seriously we have sunken that ship way down to deep (*sigh* only we know). I like listening to your stories about the books you've read, especially those cheem stuffs about politics, (I will forever not understand politics but it's always interesting to know sth you dont know abt). We share the pain of not getting good grades for history but look at you now taking H3 and featured for model essays, siala. I guess passion always keeps you going (meanwhile here I am struggling to make sense of my own region's history). Thanks for the movies we go to (ALWAYS Cold War related wow), random talks, book store visits, etc etc. Please buff up and become a hot guy so you can upgrade yourself from my nerd friend to my hot-but-sadly-fake boyfriend. YEAH.

5. Shania. It's surprising to see how we never run out of things to talk about every weekday morning. The two of us never really go out together on dates like Jinjing and I do, but our friendship transcends  much more than what people see from the outside. The best conversations we had is when no one is in the room but us, two souls talking to each other. I know I can always seek you for counsel about almost anything. Your mature way of thinking and bird-eye view are something that I rarely see in people. Sharing your thoughts about the future of our country inspires me a lot to return to Indonesia. Although there are times when your concern over your appearance gave you low self-esteem, please always remind yourself of this hidden gem of yours -- a person with charisma, sharp mind, and sound judgement.

 I always see these people as my angels sent from the above, who care and guide me as I embarked on a journey called JC 1. I feel blessed to know that He never really left me afterall, despite what I had done to Him this year. Cheers to my 2nd last year in Singapore.

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