I thought h3 will be an endless burden and source of frustration for the next 4 months. I should have believed my mom that i will somehow manage it anyway. And she's right. Here i am now, just a stone throw away from finishing my module.
Initially it was tough. As prof said just now: "stage 1 of learning is not knowing what you don't know". I realized physics is so much more than force, pressure, or projectile motion. When they meant Modern Physics, they really meant SUPER ABSTRACT STUFFS. I was so amazed and inspired after every lecture, yet disappointed at myself for not being able to fully understand the concept. Tuesdays and Fridays quickly became my new favourite days, despite the fact that they used to be one of those days when i just dragged my foot to school.
Moreover, I started to dislike the topics covered in schools. I was very determined to understand my h3 module, to the point that i didn't care about school work as much as before. strangely, school tutorials were somewhat a hindrance that i need to get rid as soon as possible so i can read more about my module. still, whatever amount of time i spent on h3 did not make it into a breeze anyway.
thus, i reached the stage 2 of learning: knowing what i don't know. lab work took up quite a fair amount of my weekends. for every lab session we did, i would spend 4 hours to do a write up and calculations. (im not trying to boast but) our school lab reports were just pale in comparison with what we are doing for this module. i had the chance to fiddle with expensive machines, decay counters, radioactive materials, helium gases, and.... 200 dices (hahaha). we learn new things during lab sessions, since we had the opportunity to understand the theory taught during lectures better. after struggling with making report initially, i kind of got the hang of it eventually.
im not saying that it is a smooth-sailing experience. one of the downsides of this h3 module is probably the fact that i am not doing as well in school as last year. in average, i had 12-18 hours of less studying time per week due to travelling back and fort to nus -- exclusive of any extra time i spent on revising the materials. i had vague understanding of h2 topics across the subjects -- which probably explains my horrendous ct1 results. i was upset, yes. angry sometimes, for being incapable of multitasking everything and maintaining my standards. i broke down many times. undoubtedly, i feel worthless sometimes, questioning my capability to do the module after looking at my h2 grades in free fall. maybe ive gone too far. i have high expectations on myself, im not going to lie. the prospect of not excelling makes me frustrated and scared at the same time, but there is no turning back.
today is officially the last lesson we had before the exam -- which will take place in 12 days time. i felt a surge of emotions on my way to nus. my last 1.5 hr mrt ride to nus. my last piece of favourite bread (i always buy the same bread before lecture). the last time i see the lecture hall and listen to prof talking. last time sitting next to Mon and Viv, laughing at our awkward funny professor. i was partially glad that it's over (i took this module mainly because it ends faster than the internal h3), but i also felt a great sense of loss. i doubt i will still feel excited to go to school on daily basis. what to look forward too? school lectures are dry. everytime i ask things, basic standard reply would be 'it's outside the syllabus, you don't need to know'. i would probably feel wistful about my h3 experience after april is over. our prof's patience and humility are attributes i long to see in my jc teachers.
12 days to exam. wish me all the best.
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