me being weird. or is it the new normal.

you know lately ive realized that i no longer talk as much as i used to last year. the number of sentences i utter per day has drastically plummet in a free fall, especially at school, be it during recess time or tutorials. im less engaged with the gang i usually associate myself with in class. its weird, and people are taking notice of it.

somehow i really dont give a single shit about what people are talking about (especially if its just random stuffs or failed attempt to prevent the lunch table from being quiet). i feel that those topics are boring, stupid, and unnecessary. its like id rather not waste my energy to talk about frivolous stuffs so id rather keep quiet. i guess this busy year really sucks all my energy until i cant even socialize. of course you know the life balance triangle thing right; to choose 2 of these following options: good grades, sleep, and socialize. its scary to realize that im NO LONGER SOCIALIZING. or rather, to see that my 'socializing' takes its new form.

i still talk to my closest friends in class like jingjing and tianke about my problems, or other more interesting things like the documentaries i watched. perhaps because i know that i can just be myself when im around them: i can be quiet and they wont ask me whats wrong. coz theyll know that i just need time for myself. and they wont think im weird, or awkward -- coz maybe they all went through the same period once in awhile.

a lot of people have been asking me "meidy whats wrong" or "meidy are u okay" just because i dont talk much during dinner or lunch with them. i just desperately need time for myself and save up energy, so can everyone pls stop asking me whats wrong? coz maybe this is the new normal for me. i have always been the serious type (i HATE jokes especially those that i dont get), and i like silence too. silence is not awkward pause. maybe i was just enjoying the food in front of me so im not particularly keen on engaged in any kind of conversation that forces me to gulp it down quickly. maybe i was just tired or going though pms period (this is the worst type coz im very very sensitive to anger and annoyance). so yes, im okay.

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