I am a messed. (This is gonna be a veeery short insignificant post)

Why does the feeling of liking someone making me so inferior? I always believed that I am in control of my own emotions, and I wouldn't let anyone to have the power to make me feel otherwise.

But the whole idea of liking someone changes everything.

I lose control of my own emotions. They are now dependent on how the person reacts and behave towards me. Whether they reciprocated my feelings and acts of kindness, whether they care or not. I am left guessing the meaning behind every whatsapp reply, through his action, through his facial countenance every time we see each other. It's frustrating when you know your first assumption was wrong because you have to re-start guessing again and make new assumption.

But I found something much worse than that. Which is to hopelessly invest your emotion to somebody that you know will not reciprocate your feelings. Ever. But you still do anyway.

I hate myself for feeling dependent on somebody. For having to ride a roller-coaster ride which I know for sure only goes downwards.

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